As Seen in My Town

In a departure from my recent sentimental schlock, I present to you "Things Of Note I've Seen In My Town."

In the Things That Make Me Chuckle Even Though They Could Turn Out Badly category:

• I have an irresistable urge to laugh when bad things happen, like when people fall down or walk in to light poles or other clumsy things. I don't know why these things make me laugh, I know I'm awful to get a smile on my face at another's misfortune. But it's just a weird thing and I can't control it. So, the other day we happened upon a traffic accident in the middle of a busy intersection. (Let me go no further without noting that the traffic accident itself was basically a fender bender and no one was seriously injured or died, which I probably wouldn't laugh at. Unless it was really funny.) There was a community policing unit (those volunteers or senior citizens who help out local police departments) "helping out" (I use that term loosely- stay with me) with traffic. One man directing traffic was not completely clear as to how an intersection works and while he'd wave on one lane, the left turn lane from the other direction would obey the traffic lights and he'd nearly get creamed. The best part is he was laughing his head off every time he nearly died like it was the funniest thing, which it was, except for the part that his very life was in danger. Anyway, it was kind of a hoot. He waves on the Jetta and the Hummer turning left who couldn't see him a moment ago screeches to a halt to avoid him. His community policing partner was frantic and running all over trying to remedy the situation which only added to the chaos and hilarity. I'm laughing just remembering it. I'll admit I'm likely the only one entertained by this retelling of a mundane moment but it was like the Three Stooges directing traffic. Except there were only two. (PS The guy made it through as far as I know. At least the paper said nothing about his untimely demise.)

In the Ridiculous Events That Pose As Something To Do In Our Community category:

Our library puts on some really fun evening events, like puppet shows and magicians, which my kids always enjoy. They are free, only about 30-45 minutes and they get to be about 2 inches from the performer which is likely the only way Boy #2 would ever tolerate being still for more than 3 seconds in a row. So the other weekend, I noticed they were putting on a dance contest for local teens and spectators were welcome. I've seen local folks on the sidewalks who can rock it while advertising pizza by waving a sign, so I know there to be a few good dancers in our local community. Turns out those pizza rockers weren't at the library that day. It would have been more accurate for the library to print advertisements proclaiming, "Watch As Local Teens Play Video Games. Fun for the whole family! Pack a lunch and stay all day!!" The "event" was teens playing that video game thing I've seen before called a DDR where they follow a screen that tells them where and when to move their feet. So we got to see some of our towns most unenthusiastic kids pretending to dance when really they were moving their feet to a prescribed place on a dance mat (and by that I mean feet ONLY, not any other part of them was moving). I know I'm completely an old lady now, but here's a question to parents of teens or teens themselves (because I know our readership in the under-20 crowd is real high): Are kids today so unimaginative that they can't even dance without a video game telling them how? Are they that un-organic that they can't connect music and their bodies? The only thing that annoyed me more was the fact that our library actually spent library dollars to buy two of the DDR mats and the software to play this. Oh, and while the "competitors" (I use that term loosely) were waiting their turn, they could play a similar game which was a plastic guitar with colored buttons and you push them as the screen tells you to. Absolutely astounding. I'm almost ready to boycott my library, but I guess I won't. Am I silly for being this annoyed at bored teens with no creative skills and the systems that support that? Am I ridiculous for thinking that maybe the library should be more interested in getting kids to read in the library, not just to go to the library? Tell me, I want to know.

In the People Who Should Not Be Multi-tasking Even Though They Are Bored category:

The other day I was about to turn onto a road that was being paved. At the intersection there was a flagger telling the right turn lane when they could go, since there were steam rollers and the like just waiting to flatten the next minivan. (Note: this section includes no accidents, carnage or hysterical laughing at near-death experiences.) I'm waiting my turn and I notice that the flagger (with her back to me, the only lane she's really needing to direct) has her stop/slow sign leaned up against her tush and it's telling me to stop and go slow in a non-meaningful manner. She turns to the left, I stop. A little to the right, I'm instructed to go. You catch my drift. Then she turns around and in one hand she has a cell phone. OK, I think, she could be talking to the steamroller waiting to hear when the coast is clear. But in the other hand? A cigarette. She's supposed to be directing traffic and she's smokin' and chattin'. It wasn't particularly funny (no one tripped or fell) and it wasn't dangerous (every driver I saw was capable of figuring out how to dodge large equiptment) but it was kind of surreal.

So what's happenin' in your town?