Myth busting for the masses

Once again, I'd like to dispense my wisdom on our readership to dispel a few myths based on my nearly four years of constant companionship with the under-4 set. Sit down and prepare to be shocked... and educated.

• "It takes a village to raise a child." In fact, it takes a factory in rural China. And apparently it takes lead paint to raise a factory, which is a frightening thought. I just saw today that they are adding some of the Disney Cars die-cast cars to the long list of Toys That Could Maim Your Child, which is sponsored by China. Nice.
• "Your child will love this trendy toy and be engrossed in play for hours if you purchase it." Not true. What your kid really wants to play with, for hours on end, is a rain stick thing you bought at the Dollar Store. It's much more fun to beat that thing against the wall (or the closest available family member) than to learn ABCs with Elmo.
• "You need more than one toy." You don't. No matter many kids you have, you will only need one toy because they will both want to play with it at the same time. We have approximately 1.5 million toys, including but not limited to parts of toys that belong with other parts which we are missing. However, our boys must, I repeat MUST, play with the same toy. I guess it helps them survive the survival of the fittest ordeal. For example, we have a lot of Hotwheels in my house (around 100, no joke). But what do they both have to play with at the exact same moment? A non-descript car that has become like the yellow jersey in the Tour de France. Whoever has possession of that car is the winner of the Toddler Wars for the day. Whoever doesn't will scream, jump, grab and scratch to gain or re-gain possession. On and on for the full 13 hours they are simultaneously awake. (An interesting side note: If one child is napping the car loses all power and is relinquished in the corner to collect dust until the nap is over.)
• "Your child will learn a bunch of stuff if s/he watches these videos." Actually, I think it is great, great, great news that it took a team of pediatricians from top educational institutions to inform us that TV and DVDs actually won't make your child smarter. It will make you loopy and perhaps trigger your epilepsy if you watch the flashing lights of Baby Einstein too long, but your 5 month old will not begin speaking in full sentances as a result. Get over it, America. Your TV will not set you free.
• "You only need one sippy cup per child." Tonight I had 8 sippy cups with lids sitting in my sink. We have two kids. You do the math.
• "I potty trained you kids by 18 months. And you slept through the night by two weeks old." That isn't a myth per se, it's straight from my own mother's mouth. And I don't believe a word of it. As for the potty training bit, she's told my sister and I that same thing more than once and her story is consistant, so it isn't hallucinations or anything. But my 18 month old would rather play in the toilet than pee in it. I just can't bring myself to believe this was possible. And there is no way that an entire generation of women would be allowed to sleep through the night a mere two weeks after giving birth, just to have the next generation of mothers buy books like *The No Cry Sleep Solution* written by, you guessed it, the women who didn't have to worry about sleep solutions. So, mothers-of-toddlers out there, don't believe your mothers and feel guilty when your kids aren't potty trained by 18 months or sleeping by 2 weeks. For whatever reason, we children of the '70s were really good in the bed and the toilet. Just don't expect your children to follow suit.
• "Kids aren't very rewarding." Actually that isn't a myth or anything, I'm just turning the corner here. As much as my kids zap my energy by the end of the day, or cause me to question the point of flapping my gums, or make me beg for more patience, or wear me out, or push my buttons, or humble me... they are also the most wonderful, funny, smart, loving, kind, creative, interesting kids I could ever have imagined. As exhausted as I am at the end of most days, I can't exactly explain just how that all melts away when my big boy looks at me (as he did tonight) and says, "I love it when you read to me, Mommy. You're amazing." But it does. And I'll get up tomorrow and do this all again for those kids because they are the most amazing little people ever invented.