living in limbo
We're staying with some wonderfully kind, gracious friends for most of June while we finish up some projects here and then head out west. For this kind of arrangement, it couldn't be better; they're warm, thoughtful folks who love our kids.
But it's not my house. So I can't let my own junk accumulate in the corner. I can't leave my barrettes out on the bathroom counter. I feel obligated to double-wrap every poopy diaper and walk it directly out to the trash. These are good habits, of course, and a tiny price to pay to be here and not in an extended stay hotel. But I still can't wait to have a place to sprawl. I'm really trying not to whine, though . . . life is sweet in so many ways right now.
#1 (3 1/2) is simply hilarious lately--she's really processing things on a whole other level and loves to talk about many, many things. She's also currently obsessed with the color purple. So, while I'm *aghast* that I'm admitting this, I actually bought her an outfit that she picked out at the mall the other day. It was on sale and cheap, but I'm so conscious of trying not to raise self-centered children that I've not wanted to get in any habit of her choosing things...
...Speaking of this, since I'm completely off the topic I started with: anyone have opinions on whether to do allowances or not? Both DH and I were raised without them, but I like the idea (a lot) of having kids figure out how quickly money goes, how to save up for something you want, and so on. Plus I figure in a few years they could handle the mortgage themselves, don't you think? #1 and I had long talks about money, about things being expensive, about working for money and then using it for things. Part of me wants to keep her free of the filthy lucre while we can, but since she walks around clutching her "monies" anyway, maybe we should start thinking about managing this interest somehow.
But it's not my house. So I can't let my own junk accumulate in the corner. I can't leave my barrettes out on the bathroom counter. I feel obligated to double-wrap every poopy diaper and walk it directly out to the trash. These are good habits, of course, and a tiny price to pay to be here and not in an extended stay hotel. But I still can't wait to have a place to sprawl. I'm really trying not to whine, though . . . life is sweet in so many ways right now.
#1 (3 1/2) is simply hilarious lately--she's really processing things on a whole other level and loves to talk about many, many things. She's also currently obsessed with the color purple. So, while I'm *aghast* that I'm admitting this, I actually bought her an outfit that she picked out at the mall the other day. It was on sale and cheap, but I'm so conscious of trying not to raise self-centered children that I've not wanted to get in any habit of her choosing things...
...Speaking of this, since I'm completely off the topic I started with: anyone have opinions on whether to do allowances or not? Both DH and I were raised without them, but I like the idea (a lot) of having kids figure out how quickly money goes, how to save up for something you want, and so on. Plus I figure in a few years they could handle the mortgage themselves, don't you think? #1 and I had long talks about money, about things being expensive, about working for money and then using it for things. Part of me wants to keep her free of the filthy lucre while we can, but since she walks around clutching her "monies" anyway, maybe we should start thinking about managing this interest somehow.
posted by Anonymous at 7:20 AM
5 Comments:
Hey prrrof! The current therapeutic take on allowance (as if you care what us therapists think!) is that you should NOT do allowance. Reasoning is because there will come a time when they will say "I don't need the money this week, so I'm not doing x, y and z. You don't want to give the impression that their chores are optional. Chores are a necessary part of living in your house, and they should be expected, not tied to a reward.
Having said this, I'll tell you a little strategy I'm doing right now that works GREAT for my "everything-wanting" 5 year old. He wants the boulder mountain set from Thomas the Tank Engine. So I've picked out some behaviors that I'd like to work on -- saying please, thank you, listening the first time, putting clothes in the hamper, carrying dishes over, being good in meeting, etc. - and made a chart. He gets an check box every time he does what I want, and then when he fills up the chart, he can have the money to buy the set or to save, etc.
I like this method because I get something I want, and he learns how to "earn" something. Some of them, I've explained to him, are future chores that are just expected once we get in the habit. Every time he wants something big, we do a more difficult chart. Anyway, sorry for the windy answer. Guess it shows how opinionated I am!!!
ooops, need to clarify on current wisdom. It's that you should NOT do allowance tied to chores, but you CAN do allowance that is just an automatic thing. In other words, you can tell your kids "other than birthday or Christmas, you are responsible for buying your toys" and give them a certain amount per week/month to do that.
But you shouldn't use it as payment for chores and not pay if the chores aren't done, etc. for the reasons in my earlier post.
I must still be asleep....
ditto to everything Lisa said. Money tied to chores complicates things and sends a wrong message; but learning how to manage money is a skill than everyone needs. I'm still waiting to learn how to do it.
thanks for the useful comments--i like windy, opinionated answers, lisa!!
i think y'all are right that we don't want to tie it to chores specifically--i don't want to have to nag about things...and i'd like to know more about a therapist's take on the chart thing, lisa (obviously it's working for you which is great!). i'm leery of extrinsic rewards (on the other hand, what is money but an extrinsic reward??)
hmmm....
And one more opinion from an opinionated gal (who, me??)... I'm definitely siding with the "no cash for chores" policy, but I guess I'd wonder about the amount of allowance. Sure she clutches her "monies" but don't feel like that's just certain to make a capitolist pig out of her. My 2.5 yr old walks around in my red high heeled sandals, and I don't think that cements his place in the CrossDressers of America Club. That said, What about a very very tiny allowance, like a dollar a week? My #1 wants things like a ride on the ridiculously stupid horse at the grocery store, which I AM NOT WILLING to pony up for (har har) but maybe if he had a buck, it'd be OK? I guess in a year they could want significantly more extravagant things. Personally I think the whole idea of the value of money is lost on them for a long time. Like until age 32 or so...
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