Who am I kidding?

We went to the city we used to live in for a day last week. I really miss that place. With all that has happened in the last six months, I hadn't really given myself permission to miss it. (I roll my eyes at that term "give myself permission", but it's the closest way to describe how I have kept my feelings at bay.) I've gone through this whole move with a "it's-great-for-my-husband-and good-for-us-too" mentality, and those things are true... it's been a wonderful move, but why do I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad about leaving one place, like it's somehow being unsupportive of my husband and family? My husband's family believes in expressing what you feel, even if it's hard for someone else to hear.... a good trait, really, because it leads a person to be a lot more honest. If he's upset, hurt, irritated, etc about something, he tells me. It's hard for me to do the same because somehow I start to feel like my feelings are selfish. I'm no martyr, believe me (aside to p: My mother is a martyr.). I just need to be honest about my feelings before they turn into resentment.
Like about motherhood. What I really, really miss about my pre-motherhood life is time alone. I don't go to the bathroom alone these days, as anyone who has lived with a toddler might understand. I'm even now holding a soon-to-be-bellering infant. I don't do errands alone, I don't talk on the phone alone, I don't drive alone. I don't think my husband understands what the big deal is since he misses the kids a lot during the 48 hr shifts he works. Perhaps I didn't realize how much I missed that time until I responded to proff's post about going away for three days sans the kidlets. I felt a little resentful. Going to a conference to discuss something other than double strollers and diaper rash? Sorry to go, are you crazy?!! I'd give my eye teeth for a few days of talking or even just thinking unabashedly about what matters to me! I miss that. Maybe more than I realized.
One thing I can be honest about, I don't think I've made decisions based on entirely on guilt or simply because I haven't been honest with myself. I know it wouldn't work for me to be the kind of spouse that says, "No, I won't move to another place for your career, Mr. Breadwinner, because I just don't want to." It really has been a good thing for our family, but there's always some sadness involved with leaving a great place and it's OK to be sad about it. I also know it wouldn't work for me to work and do the mom thing at the same time. I'd rather feel torn up about my professional me-time than feel torn up about my time with my ever-changing kids... but that is just me and a VERY personal decision. I just need to be OK with the fact that not everything is 100% good or evil. There are some great things about his new career and some not so great things. There are some great things about stay-at-home parenting and some not so great things. But what I should not be editing my feelings by saying, "everything is really great except this one thing, but it isn't a big deal, so don't pay attention to it anyway". Like that old song we used to hear in 2nd grade back in the early '80s... "It's OK to cry". It's OK that everything isn't 100% positive too.