A great in-law revelation
A post in another blog about the bloggette's in-laws got me to thinking about my own crazy family that I inherited from my husband.
When we first were married and had holidays together, I was a bit blown over by the intense emotions that ran high whenever we were together. Someone always (and although I do have a tendency to exaggerate, in this case I do mean ALWAYS) ended up sobbing in a back bedroom at some point during the weekend and usually my mother-in-law would be back there trying to console said sobber. (In my family, you'd cry for one of two reasons. #1: A loved one or close friend is mortally wounded or #2: We'd read Grandma Carlson's account of moving to eastern Montana from Minnesota.) Certainly you wouldn't cry because you (at 25 or 30 years of age) were hurt by something a sibling or a parent (at 30 or 60 years of age) said. I was further blown away by my mother-in-law's attempts to right the situation. My mother, wonderful and loving though she is, would likely have said something to the effect of, "LCS, you are 30 years old. Get over it." Perhaps our family is a bit more matter-of-fact than some.
I can't say that marriage into this family hasn't come with some relatively significant (and at times uncomfortable) adjustments. However, as I've grown up and come to love them more and more, I realize how much my in-laws have opened their hearts to me and my biological family. As a former social worker, I personally despise the phrase "open their/your/his/her heart(s)", but there's no other way to put it. They really have shown me nothing by kindness and love and have been so gracious to my family.
My mother-in-law would probably like nothing more than to have us move to within earshot of them, but she respects my space and is always contientious of how much time they've spent with us. Even though she is probably as opinionated as me, she's very careful to only share her opinion when I've asked for it, and many times I'd probably benefit greatly from hearing from her. And it is so sweet to see her with my son, loving him and enjoying him boundlessly.
My father-in-law accepts me with all of my opinions and sarcasm, which is often comes out when I'm feeling impatient or under pressure. He laughs it off when I should be scolded for saying things that aren't kind and treats me like a person who really does know a thing or two about some things. Although he and I are polar-opposites when it comes to political or social stances, he doesn't discount what I say, he just respectfully disagrees.
My sisters-in-law have always welcomed me into their homes, and although we aren't so close that we talk everyday, they are always there when I need them... they call on important days and remember birthdays, and recognize times in life that might be stressful. They also know their brother isn't always easy to live with, even though he doesn't chase me around the house like he chased them.
Another long blog getting longer. But really, I know I've griped about idiocyncrasies that get under my skin. But I'm so lucky to have married into a family that, although different than my own family, they love me completely and have been nothing but kind, generous and thoughtful to me. Sometimes I think it's those idiocyncrasies that are exactly what I need to see myself for who I am (not to get too deep or anything). It's not just that it could be so much worse. It's that I don't know if it could be better.
When we first were married and had holidays together, I was a bit blown over by the intense emotions that ran high whenever we were together. Someone always (and although I do have a tendency to exaggerate, in this case I do mean ALWAYS) ended up sobbing in a back bedroom at some point during the weekend and usually my mother-in-law would be back there trying to console said sobber. (In my family, you'd cry for one of two reasons. #1: A loved one or close friend is mortally wounded or #2: We'd read Grandma Carlson's account of moving to eastern Montana from Minnesota.) Certainly you wouldn't cry because you (at 25 or 30 years of age) were hurt by something a sibling or a parent (at 30 or 60 years of age) said. I was further blown away by my mother-in-law's attempts to right the situation. My mother, wonderful and loving though she is, would likely have said something to the effect of, "LCS, you are 30 years old. Get over it." Perhaps our family is a bit more matter-of-fact than some.
I can't say that marriage into this family hasn't come with some relatively significant (and at times uncomfortable) adjustments. However, as I've grown up and come to love them more and more, I realize how much my in-laws have opened their hearts to me and my biological family. As a former social worker, I personally despise the phrase "open their/your/his/her heart(s)", but there's no other way to put it. They really have shown me nothing by kindness and love and have been so gracious to my family.
My mother-in-law would probably like nothing more than to have us move to within earshot of them, but she respects my space and is always contientious of how much time they've spent with us. Even though she is probably as opinionated as me, she's very careful to only share her opinion when I've asked for it, and many times I'd probably benefit greatly from hearing from her. And it is so sweet to see her with my son, loving him and enjoying him boundlessly.
My father-in-law accepts me with all of my opinions and sarcasm, which is often comes out when I'm feeling impatient or under pressure. He laughs it off when I should be scolded for saying things that aren't kind and treats me like a person who really does know a thing or two about some things. Although he and I are polar-opposites when it comes to political or social stances, he doesn't discount what I say, he just respectfully disagrees.
My sisters-in-law have always welcomed me into their homes, and although we aren't so close that we talk everyday, they are always there when I need them... they call on important days and remember birthdays, and recognize times in life that might be stressful. They also know their brother isn't always easy to live with, even though he doesn't chase me around the house like he chased them.
Another long blog getting longer. But really, I know I've griped about idiocyncrasies that get under my skin. But I'm so lucky to have married into a family that, although different than my own family, they love me completely and have been nothing but kind, generous and thoughtful to me. Sometimes I think it's those idiocyncrasies that are exactly what I need to see myself for who I am (not to get too deep or anything). It's not just that it could be so much worse. It's that I don't know if it could be better.
posted by Left Coast Sister at 7:48 AM
3 Comments:
Dude, you are so messed up. You actually like your in-laws? Something is seriously wrong here...
This from the woman who married all her best friends at once! (: I even love YOUR inlaws!!
a great post, left-coast....it's good when we can start to love what we can't avoid :) seriously, tho, I'm glad that you've got a family bigger than your own that you can love and count on.....
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