Tuesday, March 04, 2008

An announcement from this sister over here on the left coast...

This could really be life altering for some of you, I'm sure, so don't be shocked. I'm quitting. Not smoking, or living, or that job I don't have. I mean I'm going to stop blogging for a while. Maybe a month or six, and then I'll likely come running back with a million things with which to spout about. That's not to say the BLOG goes down, because my sister, the more erudite one, isn't putting her voice on hold. But for right now I just need to stop. Since I'm sure you're dying to know why, so I've got a few reasons for you.

First of all, and this reason probably gives away my age more than anything, I'm still a little weirded out not knowing who in my real life is reading my junk. I *love* that people I don't or can't keep in touch with via email or phone (or that stamp-envelope thing that no one does anymore), but it's still odd when I don't know they're there and it turns out I'm talking to them. A comment from time to time letting me know who's out there would help, but I think I'm just not used to the anonymous-but-not-really thing. (Side note: Thanks to those of you who *do* comment, and this is not a guilt trip to those of you who don't, it's just an observation.) I guess I sometimes want a real dialogue about stuff, which is fine, but this is not the venue for that, I'm learning. It'd be one thing if I was truly an anonymous blogger and no one in my real life knew who I was, but then that would take out some of the fun of it anyway. Obviously I'm no MySpacing-social-networking-with-people-across-the-globe chick. It's a good thing I wasn't born 20 yrs after I was (and right now my mother is agreeing with me more than any of you). I don't think I'd make it as a teenager today for a variety of reasons but this internet thing is one of them.

Second, I feel like my posts have become, as my sister would say (although she hasn't because unlike me, she's too polite), a bit of a one-note wonder. I don't really like that super-opinionated side of myself and for some reason it seems like what I resort to when I'm in posting mode. So basically it's exposing the yuckiest side of myself for a bunch of people I know (maybe, or maybe not)... not a good combination. I know I'll never be this good as a writer (for example), but it'd be nice to feel like I was a little more than a sarcastic griper.

Thirdly, I'm trying a little experiment with myself. I'm limiting *my* screen time. I've decided to cut way back on the time I spend in front of a cursor. Initially I thought I'd try a living offline altogether, but I've quickly realized how close-to-impossible that is in today's world. It's hard to bank, look up directions, find a recipe, research whatever medical issue comes your way, etc without internet access. But being in front of a screen puts me into such a trance that I completely ignore whatever's happening around me, which this morning involved paper, glue sticks and the kitchen wall. Had I not been reading the headlines online, I kinda sorta think I could have nipped that in the bud. It's not that this blog itself takes up so much time that my kids are out foraging for berries for dinner, just that it's hard for me to have enough downtime to do this, and sleep and do all the things I'd like to do.

That's the crux of it really, I have a lot that I want to do and when I get online I end up spending more hours goofing off than finishing a project would have taken. For example, I would love to have a few more photos in albums, even though I'm not nearly as crafty as this girl. I want to learn how to sew, even though I'll likely never make quilts as lovely as she does. But as it is, I just am not organized enough to get it all done in the 24 hours my globe spins in.

I often end up leaving sleep out of my life when there's more I want to do. If my choices were to sleep or stay up late watching something online or reading about some oddball on wikipedia, you can bet there'd be a blue glow in the house. And the thing is, although I don't *think* I need much sleep, the fact that I almost cried at my son's preschool conference (which was far from negative, traumatic, surprising or sad) is telling me otherwise. And the fact that I was so short with him for not getting on his seat belt in a right-now kind of way this morning tells me that too. And the fact that I wanted to scream at the woman working in a store I went into recently because (if you can believe this horrifying story) she asked me if she could help me when I had only just entered the store a nanosecond prior. (That does really annoy me, but still. It's like I could feel my blood pressure rising instantaneously.)

That is probably the biggest reason. I want to see if I can stay off the computer for 23 and 1/2 out of the day's 24 hours and if I am a happier, less exhausted person at least in part because of that cutback. I will check my email but only for essentials so that I don't end up with 4.5 billion offers for pharmaceuticals in after a week of not loggin in. But I won't surf the net aimlessly, I won't be checking all my favorite blogs religiously, I won't look at airfares to places I've never been just for the why-not of it. I'll be as offline as I can be, just to see if my mood lightens and my patience with my dependents increases.

I am particularly looking forward to extra sleep, I know I need it. But I'm also interested to find out if I actually *can* stay away from the computer, or if there's a level of addiction involved here. And if staying away makes me a more tolerable person to be around (not tolerant, tolerable, I said). Oh, and one more thing, in case the emotional volitility of a few paragraphs ago didn't give it away, I'm pregnant. One more reason to get more sleep.

So keep checking in because prrrof will continue to enlighted the masses (right, prrrof?!). We're a fortunate species that that isn't left up to me to do. Although it would be one more reason for me to keep quiet a lot longer!