My most important decision decided
I was listening to one of NPR's weekend shows while on my way around town with two kids when the most interesting conversation started. They were interveiwing an air traffic controller who was talking about new regulations and the stresses on his job, etc. I can only imagine what it's like to have planes coming in and knowing you are the pilots eyes and ears to get his 150 passengers and crew safely on the ground. (I know Lisa can speak more eloquently about this topic.)
But he made a statement that really hit a nerve. And not my funny bone.
"So, how do you deal with decisions that have to be made at home?" asked the interviewer.
"Oh, my wife and I go around about that. We'll decide to go out for dinner, she'll turn to me and say, 'Where do you want to go? I don't have a preference' I'll turn to her and say, "Oh, you decide. I've been maing decisions all day.' And it's funny, because her most important decision in the whole day has been how much coffee to put in the coffee grinder." (long pause while our readers think, "He didn't really say that, did he?" I must inform you that yes, he did.)
Maybe it's my own discomfort with not having an answer to the "what do you do" question. Maybe it's because I just feel like I'm supposed to be June Cleaver and I'd rather be Ward some days. But more than those things, I think it's because it makes me crazy crazy crazy how this country values work and the working (as in receiving a paycheck) person more than others who contribute to society in other ways. Certainly I 'm not saving people from burning buildings and heart attacks like my DH. But I like to think I'm making this world a better place by being a part of my boys' secure little world.
He is not a spokesperson for any particular group or gender, but it's comments like this that reflect a trend in society to devalue anything that isn't either (a) heroic or macho or (b) bringing in the cash. I'm sure air traffic controlling is stressful and I don't doubt that important decisions are made every day by that man that affects the safety of loads of people. But just because that's the career he's chosen doesn't mean he should devalue his wife's job with a comment like that.
Some days it does feel like the decisions I make aren't important, but the impact of a zillion tiny decisions can be huge. If I demand that my toddler do things my way 100% of the time, I'll have a boy with very little confidence in himself in the future. If I decide to let him work things out instead of constantly doing everything for him, he'll have much more belief in his capabilities. If I decide to be hypervigilant around traffic and nefarious looking people, I'll have a child who understands the need to be careful in dangerous situations. The list goes on and on. I do hope that someday I'm completely comfortable in my new(ish) role and that I don't have to justify myself. Maybe then when I hear cringe-evoking comments I'll be able to roll my eyes and change the station.... but knowing me, probably not.
But he made a statement that really hit a nerve. And not my funny bone.
"So, how do you deal with decisions that have to be made at home?" asked the interviewer.
"Oh, my wife and I go around about that. We'll decide to go out for dinner, she'll turn to me and say, 'Where do you want to go? I don't have a preference' I'll turn to her and say, "Oh, you decide. I've been maing decisions all day.' And it's funny, because her most important decision in the whole day has been how much coffee to put in the coffee grinder." (long pause while our readers think, "He didn't really say that, did he?" I must inform you that yes, he did.)
Maybe it's my own discomfort with not having an answer to the "what do you do" question. Maybe it's because I just feel like I'm supposed to be June Cleaver and I'd rather be Ward some days. But more than those things, I think it's because it makes me crazy crazy crazy how this country values work and the working (as in receiving a paycheck) person more than others who contribute to society in other ways. Certainly I 'm not saving people from burning buildings and heart attacks like my DH. But I like to think I'm making this world a better place by being a part of my boys' secure little world.
He is not a spokesperson for any particular group or gender, but it's comments like this that reflect a trend in society to devalue anything that isn't either (a) heroic or macho or (b) bringing in the cash. I'm sure air traffic controlling is stressful and I don't doubt that important decisions are made every day by that man that affects the safety of loads of people. But just because that's the career he's chosen doesn't mean he should devalue his wife's job with a comment like that.
Some days it does feel like the decisions I make aren't important, but the impact of a zillion tiny decisions can be huge. If I demand that my toddler do things my way 100% of the time, I'll have a boy with very little confidence in himself in the future. If I decide to let him work things out instead of constantly doing everything for him, he'll have much more belief in his capabilities. If I decide to be hypervigilant around traffic and nefarious looking people, I'll have a child who understands the need to be careful in dangerous situations. The list goes on and on. I do hope that someday I'm completely comfortable in my new(ish) role and that I don't have to justify myself. Maybe then when I hear cringe-evoking comments I'll be able to roll my eyes and change the station.... but knowing me, probably not.
posted by Left Coast Sister at 1:48 PM
7 Comments:
please try to understand that people know very little about air traffic control. Things in that industry are VERY DIRE at the moment. This is an extremely rare opportunity for air traffic controllers to speak to the public about what is happening. I don't know this, but I suspect that the game plan was to underline, and UNDERLINE again, in every single statement how very critical their decisions are.
Maybe he is just a jerk (it wouldn't be a rarity in ATC) but I'm guessing that he was just turning every opportunity/every question into an opportunity to shove it into the public mindset that this job is IMPORTANT and we should be treating them right.
I understand your feelings and of course we know that parenting is the most important job in the world. Just sometimes not as imminent as a regional jet taking off on the wrong runway.
Then again, he might be wrong. Maybe her most important decision of the day was whether or not to stay married to such a cad. :)
I dig the perspective lisa adds here. I also appreciate the ways you're sensitive to this kind of language--while it's not that one comment is *harmful* per se, it's that the accumulation of comments like this that builds to a "common sense" understanding of things (eg, "well, it's just common sense that SAHM's are x and y.) Thanks for your thoughts, as always. Boy, if I could just harness that energy! :)
Lisa, I'm so glad you saw this and added your perspective... I know only two ATCs (you being one). Here's the thing... I'm referring to one comment out of this interview, but I guess I just don't like how somehow in our world, certain people are viewed as more important than others, whether its ATCs, firefighters, doctors, lawyer, etc. I'm sure he made the comment without thinking perhaps, and like prrrof said, it's more the accumulation of comments that is a measure of how we undervalue certain folks. Please don't think I'm coming down on ATCs thinking they have it so rough when they don't.... Like I said, I am 100% positive that the stress of getting a jet down (or up) safely is amazing. Then add what you guys are going through between pensions and training, it's ridiculous. I just don't like being patted on the top of the head and treated in a manner that belittles what I do, 24/7.
great post, left coast...again! Well-written, of course. And I've nothing much to add; you've said it so well. The stress of raising kids and then (now) raising teenagers might put me in an early grave (and then add raising special needs kids, three of them, to that and it's a painful brew at times). I think it's a very undervalued job, and unfortunately we stay-at-home parents sometimes buy into that and WE undervalue our roles. Sigh. If someday my kids can feel appreciative for anything I did, then it'll have been worth it :)
Good post, and I love your perspective here. I don't think that it really matters *what* job a person's spouse holds but that undervaluing what your wife does all day will hurt her feelings. Sure, some jobs require more intense decision making skills than others, but so does parenting, and it is about time people realized the importance of it!
Carrie
ps. thanks for the nice comment last week, I really appreciate other's perspectives! :) Love your blog!
i don't see how air traffic control can really be that hard. i mean, look at the sky -- you could fit thousands of planes up there. i've seen Moving Tin, you just make the little shapes on the screen line up, like a big video game. c'mon, ATC people, stop being so negative all the time -- it's not all about you!
Pushing Tin. Whatever.
And yes, I am.
;-)
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